Relationships

The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror,
reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors,
reflecting their beliefs. So relationship is one of the most
powerful tools for growth...if we look honestly at our
relationships, we can see so much about
how we have created them.

Shakti Gawain

Relationships...what a two-edged sword! Building, growing and maintaining a healthy relationship is not easy. This is only compounded when people outside the relationship are brought in, along with deception. The two primary people in the relationship are observing their own reflections on one side of the sword. But at times, this becomes a means of deflection in the relationship. Sometimes, that sword can cut to the Heart of things, and trim away the baggage that comes with, and garbage that builds up in any relationship. At other times, this sword is used to lash out at the other (sometimes for reasons unbeknownst to the thrasher) to hurt and destroy. Who understands self-sabotage? Most of the time, not the person doing it, and certainly not the person who is the object of that mostly unintentional destruction.

What we believe (and want to believe) is brought into the relationship, and some of us hope and pray that these beliefs will coincide with our significant other. Of course, there is a hierarchy of beliefs. I am certainly not as concerned about whether my partner likes the same music as I do, as whether he believes in a relationship with integrity and honesty.

But what happens when you find your thinking is wrong, that your partner does not believe in honesty or the integrity of the relationship, though they have mouthed the words? I guess this is where the opportunities for growth reside. How can a relationship grow with lies? So many things in that relationship depend on and flow from Honesty: trust, faith, respect, communication, authenticity. If there is not truth, where is the relationship?

And I guess this is where personal reflection enters. You have to decide what is more valuable to you, which beliefs are worth holding true to. Does the lack of honesty mean that the relationship should be severed? If you believe in the relationship, how can you know whether the deception will continue? No matter what your final decision--to stay or to go--how do you get past the scars left by the deception?