Moving On...Inside

I believe we are all here for a Higher Purpose...that we are placed on this Planet as Spiritual Beings whose reason for being is to evolve both as individuals and as a collective. This requires a personal perspective that does not become so narrow that it excludes others. At the same time, it also requires a group perspective that honors individuality and personal creativity. That said, within this context, committed relationships take on a very different purpose, because they provide the opportunities for both individual and collective development.

I realize that most people in committed relationships (i.e., long-term monogamy or marriage) do not see Life in this way, let alone their relationships. This blog seeks to share some insights with those in committed relationships--to those who feel they are with their Soulmate, and want to remain together for as long as possible in authentic ways. In other words, to grow as individuals, together, toward their Higher Selves and Higher Purpose.

When we feel we have found that One True Soulmate, it is truly awesome and wondrous. To sincerely feel that something Larger has brought you together is unique. If we live long enough with that person to only find that you were wrong about them, that can be devastating. It may shake the very foundations of your beliefs, and not just your faith in relationships or your judgment. (It is important to not let this experience deter you from seeking further. Every experience provides wisdom that can be used in other experiences. Continuing self-doubt only prevents you from developing further and keeps you down.)

We each must find those thoughts and deeds and prayers that keep us moving along to our Higher Purpose. In hindsight, we hopefully see things so much more clearly, but I am here to offer to those interested in staying with their Soulmate, to share what I have learned from my experiences so that you may go into your Future together with eyes (and Heart) wide open, with a clarity of Vision.

First and foremost, and above all other advice (because it impacts so many other things), be honest with your Mate. A true relationship can limp back from many infractions and imperfections if there is a foundation of honesty. Patterns of deception that go on with one believing in the other (despite the signs), and then are found to be lies over a period of time only destroy what faith and trust existed in the relationship. This is difficult to regain or rebuild, especially if the lies were compounded by actual confirmation of the deception.

Now here comes the next most important thing: learn to communicate with each other on deeper levels and about all aspects of the relationship. I say "learn" because most of us really don't know how to effectively communicate with our Selves, let alone with others. Add large doses of emotional content into that mix and communication may break down completely. I know that some people have difficulty talking about their emotional state with any one, but if you cannot speak openly with your partner about the foundation of your relationship, then I would say the relationship is in grave trouble.

If you have honesty and communication, you already have the next important ingredient for a healthy relationship: respect. I say this because you have to respect your partner to be honest with them, and to be able to be vulnerable when communicating openly about emotions.

There it is: Honesty, Communication, Respect. Everything else stems from and depends on these qualities in a relationship. Sounds simple enough, but it seems these are difficult things to come by. When these do not exist in a relationship, where are these two people? Where is the relationship? Unfortunately, I don't have the answers to these questions. I am at that Place now and do not know what to do, but I guess this is where spiritual foundations come into play.

When there is the lack of honesty, there can be no trust. When there is no trust, every behavior becomes suspect. When you acknowledges the deception, but cannot discuss the reasons for it, there is no moving on. Is it just more deception?

I cannot live that way, so I move on inside, trying to disconnect and be happy outside. But how does one sever the emotional bonds with the Love of One's Life? How does one get over the reasons for the deceptions? Or what each lie and outside relationship meant in terms of where you were in the equation? It is tempting to fight fire with fire, but the spiritual imperative kicks in and you are faced with even more frustrating choices and decisions...if you wish to remain true to your Self.